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Anxiety\u202260–144 months

Worries at bedtime (school, friends)

Worries at bedtime (school, friends) is common for kids 5 years to 12 years, especially during changes or when they’re learning to settle. What helps tonight: keep the routine short, speak calmly, and repeat one simple plan. Try connection first, one tiny boundary you can keep, and the same ending phrase each night. If it’s frequent, intense, or you’re worried, talk with your pediatrician.

Parents asking about worries at bedtime (school, friends) for kids 5 years to 12 years usually need two things: normalization and a simple plan for tonight. Keep bedtime calm and predictable: connection first, one small boundary, then a repeatable closing cue. Lower stimulation (dim light, few words), offer two calm choices, and avoid long negotiations. If episodes are frequent for weeks, involve safety risks, or you suspect pain or breathing issues, seek professional guidance.

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What's Normal

  • •Fears often grow as imagination grows (especially preschool and early school age).
  • •A child can be brave all day and still feel scared at night—nighttime is quiet and dark.
  • •Nightmares are common and can spike after stress or scary media.
  • •Reassurance works best when it’s calm, brief, and repeatable.

Routine Steps

  1. 1
    Connect

    Get close, breathe, and say one calm sentence that names bedtime.

  2. 2
    Set the plan

    Give one simple boundary and one choice you can repeat.

  3. 3
    Close the loop

    Use a calming cue and the same ending phrase each night.

What To Avoid

  • •Long negotiations or adding new rewards mid‑routine.
  • •Big reactions (anger, long lectures) that add energy.
  • •Changing the plan repeatedly once lights are low.

What Helps Tonight

  • •Name the feeling: “You feel scared. I’m here.”
  • •Create a simple ‘safety plan’ you can repeat (night light, door open, one check‑in).
  • •Use a comfort object and a predictable bedtime story.
  • •Teach one coping tool: slow breathing or ‘brave thoughts’.
  • •Keep scary media away from bedtime; choose calm content.
  • •In the morning, talk about it briefly and praise bravery.

When To Get Help

  • •If sleep issues happen most nights for weeks and your family is exhausted.
  • •If there are safety concerns (leaving the house, dangerous climbing, choking risks).
  • •If you suspect pain, breathing problems, or you’re worried about health—check with a pediatrician.

Frequently Asked Questions

What you’re seeing can be normal for Worries at bedtime (school, friends), especially during changes, busy days, or when kids are learning new sleep skills. Look for patterns across a week, not one night, and remember: consistency matters more than perfection.

Tonight, keep it simple: use a calm voice, one repeatable phrase, and one tiny boundary you can keep. Try: connect briefly, name the plan, and use the same ending phrase. Pick 1–2 helpers: name the feeling: “you feel scared. i’m here.” and teach one coping tool: slow breathing or ‘brave thoughts’.

Some families see improvement in a few nights; others need 1–3 weeks of consistent practice. If you change the plan every night, it takes longer. Give one approach a full week before adjusting.

Avoid long negotiations, big reactions, and adding new rewards after lights-out. The goal is a boring, predictable response that doesn’t add energy to bedtime.

Reach out for extra support if this is happening most nights for weeks, your child seems very distressed, there are safety concerns, or you suspect pain or health issues. Your pediatrician can help you rule out medical factors and choose a safe plan.

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